Why I killed myself at OFFF’15

This was a turning point in my career.  I wanted to stop being a graphic designer, I already worked at really good agencies in Spain, and even won a few awards. But I felt depressed, my career was not evolving,  I felt like I was lying to myself and to everyone. When Hector Ayuso, called me to talk at OFFF’15, I knew I needed to make a statement, not only to the people, but for myself.

Concered about the recent massive murders in schools and the social sensitization caused by social media, and trying to raise awarness, I became obsessed with the idea of creating something people could really feel, something so powerful they couldn’t hide behind a screen, they couldn’t leave a comment, they had no choice, I was choosing for them.

I decided to stage my death in public, ending my life as a designer and becoming something else, and at the same time trying to prove how vulnerable we all are.

To be honest, I couldn’t think too much, I just planned things slowly and let them get real, If I thought too much on what I was doing to do, I immediately felt it was a horrible idea. It’s a very delicate theme, specially with the events that have happened recently, you can’t joke about killing someone, but this was not a joke, it was a statement. Planning this performance has burned me psychologically so much. The day everything happened it went so smooth I didn’t even realize what we just did.

25 exact seconds, in that time a redheaded girl walked down a crowded auditorium with 400 people in it, she gets on stage, takes out a gun and shoots the speaker, end of the talk. People where shocked and confused, they started murmuring, and suddenly someone started clapping, (I was shocked of this reaction, i expected people getting mad) I suppose people wanted me to go out again, but we exited the building through emergency exit, while all the audience clapped.

Has social media turned our feelings off? Can we feel again? Is everything permitted if presented as entertainment? 

This performance will never happen again.